For me it was late at night during a stressful time. While browsing online for relaxation techniques, I found a site about reducing anxiety through mindfulness. After reading just one post I could feel something calming inside and decided to look for mindfulness classes in my area. It turned out that one started in two days, just a few miles away. Coincidence? I enrolled the next day.

Mindful Effects

Mindfulness classes taught me about breathing techniques, patience, inner silence, gratitude and so much more. My life began changing, and almost daily I felt like a person morphing into someone else. There were ups and downs, challenges and changes, debates and uncertainties, but the struggle was awesome.

The best part? I experienced feelings of complete love and gratitude for those who helped me along the way, who taught me lessons, who treated me well, who treated me not so well. Whatever the ultimate outcome, I wished them peace and joy–and let go. This came about through the daily practice of loving kindness.

I still made mistakes. I still stumbled and felt unsure. But I held on.

With continued practice of mindfulness techniques and meditating daily, the feeling that prevailed was one of openness–openness to past, present and future in a nonjudgmental way–but also, I literally felt “open”… I felt space for something to enter.

Mindful Connections

Months after I became aware of this feeling I was introduced to a nearby Christian church. The first night at church, while listening intently, I felt something “drop in” to my openness. Tears filled my eyes. I felt this deep, deep forgiveness, warmth and love. I couldn’t stop smiling. I also made the acquaintance of my husband

I write all of this because almost one year later, life has changed in the most miraculous ways. Whereas I used to sit in silent, deep meditation, I now sit in silent, deep prayer. Nonjudmental awareness has deepened my sense of reflection and action. I’ve found an even deeper level and love than imaginable. The ultimate happened… I found a life in God. In all of my past turmoil, uncertainty and confusion, I have found what I’ve always been looking for… eternal love and faith.

Mindfulness was the start of a wonderful journey for me, and I hope it is for you too. I’d love to hear your story!

When I first learned about them, I decided to practice one each week in depth. Starting in the morning with some stretches and meditation, I’d read about that week’s mindful attitude and practice it throughout the day when the opportunity presented itself–and it always did. By the end of the week I had a feel for the attitude, and eventually I learned how much they work together to help us cultivate our gardens.

Seven Mindful Attitudes

1. Nonjudging Awareness–This draft sucks. It smells weird out here. I liked the other restaurant better. We often have our judge on, chitter chattering in our minds and running out of our mouths, but what if we just let the experience be the experience? As we practice, it’s tempting to judge ourselves when we catch the judgments, but it’s all part of the practice.

2. Beginner’s Mind–Everything right now is new and happening for the first time. So even though you’ve had this talk/visited this place/did this job a million times, this time it is new. See each moment as a brand new beginner. Welcome freedom!

3. Nonstriving–This doesn’t mean don’t have a plan, but we can practice staying open and flexible along the way. We can feel when we’re striving. It feels like we’re pushing or forcing a point. Maybe we want to get a certain job, and so we spend our time preparing and fixating on the outcome, but striving keeps us in chains. Shake it off gently and stay open to organic experiences.

4. Mindful Acceptance–Can we accept where we are right now, in this moment? If so, we cut ourselves free from the bonds of expectations and anything false. Accepting the moment as it is brings us to the present moment–the place we are right now. Enjoy!

5. Trust as Self Reliance–Can we trust ourselves? Can we trust in something greater than ourselves? At times we’re tempted to go with what we “think” we should be doing rather than what we trust we should do. Let’s think about it.

6. Mindful Patience–Sounds easy, but we know patience is challenging at times. In the burning feeling of impatience we find our practice. Stay mindful. Practice patience in conjunction with the other attitudes–acceptance, trust, nonstriving, etc.

7. Letting Go, Letting Be–Light and free, this attitude challenges us to just let “it” go and be what it is. I like how this one is often listed last because it so clearly works with all of the others. Let go of judging, striving, impatience, anger…just breathe. Let it be.

It isn’t always easy.

We want to join our friends, please our family, do good work. We go and go, pushing quiet time aside. Pushing aside our time for reflection.

At church this morning, I heard a message for the second time in one month about Jesus telling his disciples, “Come aside by yourselves to a deserted place and rest awhile.” (Mark 6:31) There was so much going on that they didn’t even have time to eat.

In the story, the group decides to go off to a deserted place in a boat by themselves, but the crowd saw this and by the time the boat gets to shore, the crowd is waiting. Jesus feels compassion and feeds the crowd by multiplying bread and fish. After that, he sends the disciples back on the boat and departs to the mountain to pray.

Let’s not forget to depart to the mountain to rest. To meditate. To pray. To reflect.

We come back with renewed strength.

Ithaka
by C.P. Cavafy (translated by Keeley/Sherrard)

As you set out for Ithaka
hope the voyage is a long one,
full of adventure, full of discovery.
Laistrygonians and Cyclops,
angry Poseidon—don’t be afraid of them:
you’ll never find things like that on your way
as long as you keep your thoughts raised high,
as long as a rare excitement
stirs your spirit and your body.
Laistrygonians and Cyclops,
wild Poseidon—you won’t encounter them
unless you bring them along inside your soul,
unless your soul sets them up in front of you.

Hope the voyage is a long one.
May there be many a summer morning when,
with what pleasure, what joy,
you come into harbors seen for the first time;
may you stop at Phoenician trading stations
to buy fine things,
mother of pearl and coral, amber and ebony,
sensual perfume of every kind—
as many sensual perfumes as you can;
and may you visit many Egyptian cities
to gather stores of knowledge from their scholars.

Keep Ithaka always in your mind.
Arriving there is what you are destined for.
But do not hurry the journey at all.
Better if it lasts for years,
so you are old by the time you reach the island,
wealthy with all you have gained on the way,
not expecting Ithaka to make you rich.

Ithaka gave you the marvelous journey.
Without her you would not have set out.
She has nothing left to give you now.

And if you find her poor, Ithaka won’t have fooled you.
Wise as you will have become, so full of experience,
you will have understood by then what these Ithakas mean.

I just read Tuesdays with Morrie, and the small book that took less than two days to read touched my life well past the weekend.

After traveling through the death process with my grandpop six months ago, I learned valuable lessons that both broke and opened up my heart. But the story of Morrie and his student, so brilliantly captured by Mitch Albom, reinforces living–even in the presence of death.

The main message Morrie impresses upon his student during their final thesis together? You have to learn how to die to live.

At one point, Mitch, a successful sports journalist, gets knocked around by reporters chasing the next big story in an airport. He remembers something Morrie told him…

“So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they’re busy doing things they think are important. This is because they’re chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.”

When I sat holding my grandpop’s hand in hospice in his final days, he couldn’t talk that well. But when he did, he would look into my eyes and say one word: family.

I’m dedicating my life to love. Tomorrow is another chance to practice. See you there.

And in the words of Morrie, “Love is how you stay alive, even after you are gone.”

Consider where your attention has been focused lately. Worrying about a health issue? Desiring a new job? Replaying a conversation you had with a confrontational friend or family member? Feeling jealousy or envy?

Assuming we have 100% attention available, we can ask ourselves….

What percentage of my attention is on (issue) right now? OK, so (number) percent of my attention is on (issue) right now.

Then…

What’s not wrong? Can I put 5 percent of my attention on something else?

If we can give even 5 percent our attention to something else — something that’s going right — then that’s great!

Sometimes our feelings, thoughts and worries can seem overwhelming. The important word there = seems. We don’t need to feel controlled by negativity.

Peace! Jen

After attending a recent Mindfulness & Nonviolent Communication class at Stanford University, I took away some major strategies for the to-do list to share. For starters, a difference exists between observations and evaluations.

Evaluations Can Feel Like Judgments
Evaluations come out of our mouths easily, but they feel definite, leaving little room to breathe. Have you said anything like this before?
“You’re always late.”
“She drives too fast.”
“He doesn’t get enough rest.”

Observations Just State the Facts
These are the same examples above stated as observations:
“You’ve come home from work after 10 p.m. the last three nights.”
“She is driving 25 miles over the speed limit.”
“He woke up before 6 a.m and went to bed after midnight every night this week.”

When we communicate with another, stating an observation can feel like just that — an observation. Evaluations can feel like attacks and judgments.

Untangling the Tangles
Sometimes we mix observations and evaluations together. This can happen when we’re beginning to practice observing.

Here’s an example: “My coworker yelled at me yesterday for no reason.”
Observation = My coworker yelled at me yesterday
Evaluation = For no reason

This nonviolent communication technique can help us practice mindfulness in our speech. As we observe what’s happening — even as we say it to others — it allows us to strengthen the work of observing rather than judging in our thoughts and actions. We can stay in the present moment without jumping to conclusions.

Unconditional

Willing to experience aloneness,
I discover connection everywhere;
I meet the warrior who lives within;
Opening to my loss,
I gain the embrace of the universe;
Surrendering into emptiness,
I find fullness without end.
Each condition I flee from pursues me,
Each condition I welcome transforms me
And becomes itself transformed
Into its radian jewel-like essence.

We all have friends, but how many good friendships do we actively participate in? Pointing out the fact that most of us have hundreds of “friends” on social media sites isn’t the point. As much as these tools help us all stay in touch, they don’t a true friend make.

Growing a true friendship with another takes time and effort, but the seeds you plant together can yield beautiful and nourishing fruit season after season. You both invest your time; you both invest your heart. You have someone to call in your darkest hours. You have someone to laugh with until you cry.

I started learning what it takes to grow a true friendship by falling short. I used to think if things didn’t work out, then the people around me probably weren’t true friends. I didn’t realize that just like any other relationship, friendships require compassion, patience and communication. Friendships can teach us. Friendships can humble us.

This brief post isn’t about how to build a friendship — for that I would suggest one word: love. But maybe just a reminder that it’s worth it to reach out and say hello to those people in our lives who have traveled with us.

As we grow and evolve, it’s more important than ever to keep reaching out and growing friendships — old and new. The exchange will feel different and more enriching each time. Face old friends with renewed love. Meet new friends with an open heart.

“To create a good community, we first have to transform ourselves into a good element of the community. After that, we can go to another person and help him or her become and element of the community.We build our network of friends that way.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

Though we feel like chasing away unpleasant feelings, it’s good to stick with them — breathing and observing. In these moments we can practice “letting go” so that we do not cling to or reject the feelings.

But what can we do when — despite our best intentions — we find ourselves overtaken by difficult emotions to the point we experience discomfort in the body?

In a Yoga Journal article, “Judgment Calls,” Sally Kempton writes about the difference between judgment and discernment, noting that when we experience unpleasant feelings, many times we move first to blame others or ourselves in an attempt to separate from the discomfort or “fix” the situation. But with discernment, we can stay with the discomfort without assigning blame, which helps connect us back to our truest, most authentic self.

It feels challenging to stay with unpleasant feelings, but in a way, what an amazing test and opportunity to practice mindfulness. When we constantly flee from unpleasantness, we remain in flight. Experiencing and embracing uncomfortable situations leads to learning and growth.

“If we face unpleasant feelings with care, affection, and nonviolence, we can transform them into the kind of energy that is healthy and has the capacity to nourish us. By the work of mindful observation, our unpleasant feelings can illuminate so much for us, offering us insight and understanding into ourselves and society.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Stay with it. I wish you peace.